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Tuesdays with Torbee

As you see, fans view of Fran McCaffery's Hawkeyes depend on your point of view.
As you see, fans view of Fran McCaffery's Hawkeyes depend on your point of view.

The scene: a musty townie bar in Anywhere, Iowa with tattered Hawkeye pennants on the wall, a signed Steve Carfino jersey hanging next to the restroom and a fading copy of the 1966 Sports Illustrated featuring Ralph Miller’s squad behind cracked glass on the wall next to a defunct payphone. An ancient 22-inch Magnavox behind the barkeep’s right shoulder shows Villanova players and coaches celebrating their easy steamrolling of overmatched Iowa.

Two middle-aged Hawk fans nurse their beers in dejection. Though they look alike, in their black and gold sweatshirts and tigerhawk hats, Paul E. Anna and Al B. Sauer have distinctly different views on what it all means:

AL: Well there you go. I knew these guys weren’t any good when they blew the game against Iowa State. Mentally weak. Sure, they got a little lucky four a couple weeks in January, but at the end of the day, they are basically Illinois or Nebraska with a bunch of lucky bounces.

PAUL: C’mon Al. These are the first Hawks to beat Michigan State in East Lansing since the year Chris Street died! They’re the only Iowa team to ever sweep MSU, Purdue and Michigan in the same basketball season. Sure, they faded fast, but they gave us great memories and a heck of a ride.

AL: Memories of missed layups? Glorious accounts of timeouts saved, leads blown and front-ends of one-and-ones missed? You keep those, Paul, I’ll pass.

PAUL: OK, everything didn’t turn out great, but hey, at least Iowa basketball is nationally relevant again. Three straight years in the NCAA tournament? Finishing in the top five in the conference race two years in a row? Being ranked most of the season? Happy days are here again, no?

AL: Whoop-de-freaking-doo. It’s 1997 again and Iowa is good enough to get a sniff and then destined to get curb-stomped by an actually legitimate team. This is supposed to excite me?

PAUL: Well, fate has been a cruel mistress. What’s up with Iowa never, ever, never getting the luck of facing a double-digit seed coming off an amazing upset in the second round? Every year, it’s Duke or Kentucky or some other blue-blood waiting after the Hawks get through round one. When do WE get to play a Little Rock or Middle Tennessee State?

AL: Or Northwestern State? (snort). Maybe if you don’t choke against Illinois or Penn State or manage to finally take down Wisconsin at home, you don’t limp in with a 7 seed and face that fate, huh?

PAUL: Well I’m just sayin’. Other teams get a break ONCE in a while. Not Iowa, though. You’ve gotta admit, we’re in a much better place than we were under that last sad sack. I couldn’t even watch those games.

AL: True. But at least then you didn’t get your hopes up only to have them stuffed down your throat like a soft mid-range jumper. And now what? This was “the year” with four seniors. We’ll be lucky to make the NIT next year with the bums coming back and no decent point guard.

PAUL: Not so fast. Peter Jok will be a pre-season POY candidate in the Big 10. Ahmad Wagner and Dom Uhl are just scratching the surface of their talent. The Baer is gonna come back stronger and more confident. We get Dale Jones back and we add a 4 star stud like Tyler Cook and a bunch of other intriguing young guys. Look how good Iowa did with a young Aaron White and Dev Marble back in the day. Who’s to say these kids can’t play?

AL: I’ll believe it when I see it. And we were killed by sub-par point guard play this season and now we have…..? Christian Williams isn’t a true point guard and didn’t even have the coach’s confidence until the last three or four games? And the Bohannon kid coming in? Probably should have gone to UNI. At least we won’t have to watch Woodbury anymore.

PAUL: That’s a pretty crummy thing to say about a guy who played his heart out, literally saved Iowa in that Temple game and was dominant on defense.

AL: Alright, point taken. But still, if I never see a seven-footer miss an open layup again, I can’t say I’ll be devastated.

PAUL: And don’t forget the new-and-improved Carver-Hawkeye Arena! New center court scoreboard, a sound-system that doesn’t sound like the stereo in my 1981 Monte Carlo, new playing court, better lighting. It’s going to bring them in droves and really impress recruits?

AL: Any way we can get a new, non-apathetic student body that might actually show up and cheer?

PAUL: Baby steps, Al. Baby steps.

PAUL and AL both take deep swigs of their Busch Light. They look up as the bar door opens, letting in a brilliant shaft of mid-afternoon sunlight. Their third buddy, Lemmy B. Reel strolls in and pulls up a barstool next to the pair.

LEMMY: Watcha guys talking about?

AL: How much Iowa basketball sucks.

PAUL: How awesome Iowa basketball is.

LEMMY: You’re both idiots. Shut up and drink.

Follow me on Twitter @ToryBrecht and follow the 12Saturdays podcast @12Saturdays.

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